How can I control my emotions?
This is a question I am often asked by clients, usually in regard to a certain situation. How can you control your mind? What do you really have control of? What most people wish for is control of thier spouse, parents, boss, kids? Wouldn’t that be nice! Unfortunately, none of these people is in your control.
If you want to learn to control emotion you need to focus on the two things you do have 100% direct control of …
You can only control two things in life.
What do you have 100% direct control of? Emotions? No, not direct control. Thoughts? Yes. Actions? Yes. Thoughts and actions, along with your beliefs, control your emotions (happiness, anger, peace of mind, etc.). This is powerful stuff!
Learning to control your thoughts and actions is a topic usually I covered in my workshops. Two years after presenting a workshop to a sales team, I asked the leader of that team, “What was the take-away value?”. Without hesitating, he said, “I can only control two things: my thoughts and actions. So that’s where I focus my energy.” He had become laser focused, a key to both time management and his selling success.
Ironically, most of us, especially when we feel out of control, spend a lot of energy trying to control others, usually without even realizing it. But it’s futile. When you focus on what you can control, you can change your world. You’ll find this truth in most philosophies and world religions; notice the diversity of this truth in the quotes below.
“For as he thinks within himself, so he is.”
— Proverbs 23:7
“Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.”
— Napoleon Hill, “Think and Grow Rich”
“All that we are is the result of our thoughts.”
— Dhammapada, 23, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Look within and decide what thoughts and actions help you, and what hurt you. Then focus on the thoughts and do the actions that help you.
Do you want a specific technique to better learn to control your emotions, especially your negative emotions? I recommend this thought replacement technique.
