Nice leaders create short-term comfort.
Kind leaders create long-term success—for their people, themselves, and their business.
I attract “nice” leadership teams, probably because learning how and when to be kind instead of always being nice has been a lifelong challenge for me. Being both, and knowing when to be each, is critical to happiness and high-performing leadership across your family, personal life, and professional life.
In high-performing EOS® organizations, leaders build effectiveness on clarity, accountability, and trust. Yet many big-hearted, well-intentioned leaders fall into a common trap: being nice instead of kind. Although niceness may feel good in the moment, kindness develops leaders and their people, strengthens organizational health, and drives results. Leaders who are kind, but not always nice, lead high-performing companies.
Nice Leaders
When is it great to be nice? Niceness is an admirable trait and often appropriate with people whom leaders aren’t responsible for developing (e.g., neighbors, service workers, and most everyday interactions). However, it becomes limiting in growth-oriented relationships, such as with children, direct reports, and (with their permission) managers, peers, and closest friends.
Nice leaders prioritize being liked by others and creating comfort. In doing so, these leaders often avoid discomfort for themselves and their direct reports. This can limit empowerment, effectiveness, and growth for their teams.
Intention and common behaviors of nice leaders. Because nice leaders’ intention is to be liked and create harmony, they:
- Avoid difficult conversations.
- Soften or don’t give difficult growth feedback.
- Say “yes” to keep people happy.
- Let poor performance slide and accept excuses.
- Don’t always make expectations clear.
- Don’t hold their direct reports fully accountable.
Nice leaders value:
- Harmony
- Peace
- Being liked.
The results of nice leaders include:
- Poor accountability
- Unclear expectations
- Resentment from high performers who want to grow
- Slow or avoided decision-making
- A culture of mediocrity
- Declining financial performance
Kind Leaders
What is kind leadership? Kind leaders care deeply about their people and results, with a focus on helping individuals and the organization grow and succeed.
Being kind aligns with EOS principles. Kind leaders tell the truth, give clear and respectful feedback, and address issues objectively and directly. They evaluate people honestly, even when it’s uncomfortable. They understand that keeping a team member who doesn’t live the values—or is underperforming, is unkind to the individual, and demotivating to their team—ultimately hurting the organization.
When is it beneficial to be kind? Being kind is important when developing people, a primary role of leadership and management.
Intention and common behaviors of kind leaders: Their intention is to create two-way respect and develop people to be their best. To do so, they:
- Give clear expectations and honest feedback.
- Address issues early, objectively, and directly.
- Hold people accountable with respect.
- Make hard decisions when needed.
- Create positive accountability without fear.
Kind leaders value:
- Honesty
- Accountability
- Being respectful and respected
- Creating a healthy and profitable company
- The discipline to focus on the priority
- Their people and commit to helping them become their best
The results of kind leaders include:
- Trust
- Growth of their people and team
- Mutual respect
- Clear expectations
- Strong accountability
- A healthy culture
- High-performing teams and organizations
In EOS-led companies, leadership effectiveness depends on clarity, accountability, and trust. That means great EOS leaders choose kindness over niceness and make decisions based on respect, not likability. This supports the long-term health of each team member and the organization as a whole.
The post “Is It Better for Leaders to Be Nice or Kind? Liked or Respected?” first appeared on TCNorth.com
